Taslima's Tweenage Problem Page

Dear Taslima

At my school they all called me ugly and none of them will go out with me. It hurts..What do I do? Is it me? Am iI really ugly???? Please help.

Lots of love

Tammy

Dear Tammy,

Oh dear. That's so horrible of anyone to call anyone else ugly. And of course, it is bullying. And that's why they're doing it. It's got nothing to do with what you do or don't look like, it's to do with the fact that the bullies need to pick on someone for their own mean reasons. 

It would be easy for me to say you should just ignore them, but that's like saying when someone's punching you you should stand there and take it. I'm not saying you should punch back, cos I don't ever think violence or being mean is excusable. That would make you as mean as they are. But you do need to defend yourself.

So here's what I suggest. Don't let them know it gets to you. They're wanting a reaction, and when they don't get one they'll soon get fed up with of their stupid little game. Even when you're hurting inside, just shrug like you find the whole thing a bit tiresome, but not that troubling.

And cheer up - cos I can tell you you're not ugly! Think about it for a minute. What one person thinks is ugly or pretty is totally different from what another person thinks. There's a saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' (The beholder = the person who's looking). So be absolutely sure that for everyone who doesn't like the way someone else looks, there will be another person who does! 

And one last tip - if you believe you're attractive, then other people will find you attractive too. So every morning look in the mirror, and instead of seeing the things about yourself you don't like, see the bits you do like. And say to yourself - out loud - 'Hey Tammy, your hair (or whatever you choose) is looking absolutely wonderful today.' 

I hope this helps you, cos I know how awful it is to be teased and bullied in this way. Especially if it's a group of classmates doing it. It happens to everyone at some point.

So hold your head high.

Taslima  

Dear Taslima,

all my friends have boyfriends but I dont know how to get

one. I dont really want one but all my friends have had

their first boyfriend and their first kiss and i dont feel

pressurised or anything but I really want a boyfriend and I

like this boy but he just went out with my best mate and

when she found out she said she was fine but i dont know how

to ask her to help set me up with him... Please help....

Lots of love

My best friends wedding biggest fan. x x

Hi My Best Friend's Wedding Biggest Fan,

You say you don't feel pressurised, and I guess what you mean is that none of your friends is putting pressure on you. But you do seem to be putting pressure on yourself. And you sound a bit confused. But don't worry, cos being confused is all part of growing up. It's normal!

So there is one boy you kinda like. Great! And you feel he would be a good chico to try out this boyfriend thing with? I take it your best mate's not gonna go out with him again? Cos if she is, then that would be super-complicated. But if not, then maybe you should ask her for advice. Tell her you don't know what to do. People love being asked for advice or help. She doesn't have to 'set you up', but if she thinks it's a good idea maybe she could let him know you like him. Then see what happens.

And if he doesn't want to go out with you, don't get upset. It obviously wasn't meant to be. Just shrug it off. The summer hols are coming up, and who knows who you might meet!

Hope it all works out. And remember, it's worth waiting for the RIGHT chico to have that first kiss with.

Big Hugs,

Taslima

x

Hi Taslima

 I try to tell them what's on my mind, but they either don't listen or blame each other for it! What should I do?

From Ellie 

Hi Ellie,

Oh dear. That does sound like a difficult position to be in. 

It's not unusual to have two buds you get on brilliantly with, but who just can't get on with each other at all. But it's a problem if they both want you to be their special best bud and they don't want to share you. Maybe that's why they both seem to be fussing over you?

But it's not your fault they don't get on. So don't feel responsible. Maybe you could speak to each of them when the other's not there and say it makes you unhappy when they don't get on. Then if they're prepared to make the effort to get on, then great. But if not you'll have to see them separately.

I do hope it works out for you and they stop being difficult with each other. Being in a friendship triangle can be brilliant when it works out like it does for me, Cordelia and Sassy.

Fingers crossed it will work out for you too.

xx

hey Tas!

i really like this guy in my class but he dosnt even know i like him (well thats what i thought)... so my bezzie sits next to him in math and stuff, and she tells me everythuing he says.

So this week, she told me that he knows i like him and that im just a friend, nothing more...=(( , but the thing is that i want him soooo badly!!!!! i really want do go out with him...

i have only had one other boyfriend and that was a fake, so i dont think it really counts, but anyway. This guy has the most beautiful brown eyes you can think of but he likes this other girl.

He only likes her because she is thin -and i guess she has a nice body- and he also likes her cos he thinks she has big boobs.

And i have alot of fun with him, but one thing about paul is that he only likes blond thin girly tall girls, and im a short not very thin -but not fat- not girly girl with black curly hair.... its sooooo sad!

u have to help me, i have liked this guy since the start of the school year, and now everything is just a big mess!!!

i want thins guy so badly, i would do alot to have him as my boyfriend!!

help, i need your advise!

Natalie =))    help!

Hey Natalie,

It's Tas here. Wow, you really have got yourself all worked up over this guy. And the chances are he's picking up those strong vibes and they're scaring him off - and where safer to be than with someone he can call his girlfriend? It's like he's putting up a big sign that says NOT AVAILABLE. 

One of the things we chicas do is forget sometimes that boys don't feel so comfy handling strong feelings, and it sounds like this guy is really not wanting that kind of involvement. It also sounds like he's struggling to understand the whole being-a-teen thing himself. Which is most prob why he got annoyed when you challenged him about liking a girl's personality rather than how she looks.

And remember, this is all part of growing up. Your feelings for this guy are painful and intense, but as he's not really wanting to know, accept it for what it is - a crush. It's not the end of the world. It's like your heart is doing a practice run for when you meet that guy who feels the same way you do, and then you'll know what falling head-over-heels in love is really like and it's much more fun than what you're going thru! 

I hope that helps you make some sense of all these strong feelings you've been having, and why this boy is scared of getting involved. 

Big Hugs,

Taslima

xx